R.I.P
My Nokia has officially died. He’s been playing up for 6 months & today at 11am he finally gave up. So tonight I charged up my old Motorola & put my sim card in; a temporary fix until I can get to the phone shop on Thursday night to buy the Nokia N96 :)
What I discovered hidden in the phone tonight has turned my stomach. Tonight I was transported back to that day, the day when you turned into the ugliest person I had ever met. The day I knew you weren’t who I had hoped you were.
I spotted your name before I opened any of the saved messages, my heart stopped beating right in that second. Cold sweat formed on my chest & a bead trailed down along my breast. I knew what was contained in those texts & still, I opened them up.
I relived the moment where I felt the lining of my stomach hitting the back of my throat. The day my anxiety hit its highest peak & when my hands trembled out of control. You know, I cried in my office that morning & my boss came in, I told him everything & showed him the texts. I repeated your message, how you had threatened to take me to court over your myspace being deleted & how I had nothing to do with it. He reassured me that I had nothing to worry about & I tried to forget about your words.
“Happy with how you treat people? Sick bitch. I’m starting a new life and forgetting everything about you. You’ve been nothing but torture. Thanks for caring so much about me over the time. I count it as a blessing I found out who you really were before it was too late. Delete me from your memories. Everything, forget anything we ever shared. I never want anything to do with such a utterly disgusting person again. This is seriously it. Contact me again and I’ll get a restraining order. Goodbye.”
But I’ve never forgotten that day (or the others). They’re burnt into my memory & I think I’ll always feel the same towards you, like I did those days & those nights.
I wish erasing you was as easy has hitting the red X or the delete button or clicking ‘block’, but it’s not this is life & I think I just let you go. x
WOW! Am I to assume you don’t like this person? Fortunatly I’ve never encountered someone like that, oh yaeh there was this one psycho I dated for awhile, luckily I saw the signs and ran for the hills..:-)
take care..Ed
Ed
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Hey Buddy!!! You did great! I know you can do even better! :D Hope all those torturing memories die out with your nokia too.(still feeling sorry for your phone tho!) Think +ve, I think the new nokia N96 will be a new begining for (a Stronger)you. :D *remember*smile*
Nice shot mate! how did you manage this one?
WildBlack
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Cool!! Yup I added wollreflections to the number plate. Actually there was some kinda advertisement. So I think this would be better. ;)
WildBlack
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 10:24 pm
I think your photo matches your words.
burstmode
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Hmm, wonder if you are talking about who I think you are. Sorry about the phone. And I left you a comment on myspace.
C
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 12:14 am
I reach out now to ease your pain
On waves that feel no wind or rain
Over the lands and seas I fly
To bring some sun to your gray sky
:-)
Jan Freeman
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 1:00 am
Aw, hun… Those aren’t nice words. But you CAN erase them like you erase them from your phone. You can decide not to care about that part of your life, and you can ignore it now. You’re in a completely different place with no need to think about her anymore. *hugs*
slightlyignorant
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 2:32 am
Hey there, you have incredible flair with words. When I got to the end of your post I realised I’d held my breath whilst reading it all O_o ! I haven’t had the misfortune of meeting anyone *truly* disgusting, but life is too short to have them kinda people in your life, even if they’re just a small insignificant speck as a memory. We have to brush them off, iron them out, hold our chins up and make room for the things that matter – the good things in life that make you feel like this –> :D :D :D
SighMan
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 2:47 am
Sorry to hear (well, read ) that you were reminded of that bad person. I agree that the photo matches your words.
Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about my
fancyZTE cellphone dying anytime soon. It’s rather generic and hasn’t failed me in … well, ever. Hooray for generic-ness.Omar Modesto
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 4:29 am
Well Hi gorgeous! Thanks for the message. I’m doing OK… Just busy with school and everything else. I’ve been writing quite a bit in my notebook and have something I’m trying to finish. Hopefully, it’ll be done by tomorrow. It sounds like you made a good choice by moving on and I LOVE THAT PIC OF YOU! Take care sweetie…
Shady
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 8:32 am
Well I remembered to breathe at the end of it, so I’m still good! I just updated the tilt-shift post after I got your comment. There’s now a nifty before-and-after of the caribbean town so you can see, what clearly is, the coolest thing ever in action. Check it out!
SighMan
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 10:41 am
Oh, there are a number of ways to achieve this effect…
1. buy a tilt-shift lens $$$$$$ :(
2. or if u like to tinker in photoshop:
http://designedbyjoe.com/2008/11/10/free-auto-tilt-shift-photoshop-action/
3. or if, like me, you have no time (or patience) for photoshop:
http://tiltshiftmaker.com/ (easiest option!!!)
:D
SighMan
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 10:45 am
Chloe – time does heal, and I’m glad you’re feeling it too.
You bet I suffer from anxiety… Big time. These days I’m really not doing well because of the stupid issues I’m trying to deal with and how anxious they’re making me.
slightlyignorant
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Wow, I first thought that this was going to be about a dead phone. What a twist. I am really sorry about the phone but sometimes we are given ways that make it easier to move on. Maybe this happened as a way to tell you not to get caught back in thatt part of your life. It sounds like that person was very floored and those messages were harsh. You don’t need negativity like that in your life. For now- feel better, take it one step at a time and think positively about the future.
Justin
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Nope… I’m not on any medication currently. I don’t think I will be, either – my anxiety isn’t a chemical thing as much as part of the situation I’m in right now =/.
slightlyignorant
Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 3:35 am
Mm. I know those exact feelings, though through a very different situation. But I know how it feels to not be able to erase something from your mind you wish you could, and how it plays over and over, and how it is a part of you. Things do get better, eventually. Good luck.
M.
thelittleredwriter
Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 3:44 am
Yep… I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes when I need to vent, if I don’t hurry and get it out I’ll change my mind and it just eats at me that much longer. It’s really good for you to just get it all off of your chest like that. I bet you felt alot better when you did. I think it’s kind of funny how something as simple as writing down what’s on your mind can make such a difference in your attitude and how you feel. I LOVE PSYCHOLOGY!!! Writing is a very effective and positive coping method for stress and emotions. How’s the weather in Australia??? It’s starting to warm up here and it’s been beautiful til today… RAIN… RAIN… and more rain for the next few days. Oh well! If it wasn’t for rain we wouldn’t appreciate the sunshine!!!
Shady
Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 5:04 am
wow pretty deep post.. I hate getting a nasty blast from the past. Hopefully you can put it behind you..
Prometheus
Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Erase memories…just like you’ll delete messages from your phone.
You’ll be Ok.
Marie
Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Wow, your writing skill has grown majorly since I’ve last been here… very profoud words. And, on a less analytical note (sorry, but I can’t help analyzing all literature I read; this thing about writing myself), my sympathies on the reminisence. I know I hate it, so I offer you my sincere congratulations on moving on and all my empathy for still remembering.
I adore this photo of you.
cravingoxygen
Thursday, May 21, 2009 at 11:08 pm
I should say something abt this :)
I loved the words you throw and hey forget abt the past, she’s nothing but nothing :P you’re way ahead her.. keep your head & chin high! &hearts xo
Tumbleweed
Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 12:16 am