hello enmity
Why do you choose to come here still, to look at my photography & read my entries(?) What is it that keeps you coming back, again & again(?)
What do you gain from clicking into the comments & reading what others have to say(?) Does looking at my photography give you the drive to get out there & try to be ‘better’(?)
Does it rattle your insides to know I’m doing well, that I’m healthy & happier than ever, so you constantly try to compete(?)
How do you justify every click on my site to yourself, your boyfriend, even after all the entires stating how you’d stop; how do you justify all the lies you tell everyday(?) I wonder if your boyfriend knows how obsessed you really are, that each morning before you start your work day, you check into my site.
Does it help you to sleep at night, to imagine I’m the one trying to block you out(?) you’re addicted to the (self inflicted) pain & you’re struggling to forget about me & none of this comforts me, like it would you if the tables were reversed.
Tonight is the first night I’ve thought about you in a very long time & it’s out of pity.
I think you’re miserable. Wait, I know you’re miserable. I know you’re sad, lost & unhappy. I know that everything you do is to mask the truth, to hide the pain & to cover the embarrassment. I know you cut yourself in an attempt to feel real, because if you can feel the pain it makes it all worth while, right(?). I know you do anything you can to escape your life because, lets face it, no-one makes an effort for you & why should they when you’ve proved who you really are.
So, tell me who are you trying to convince(?) It’s been 6 months since I spoke about you to anyone in my (real) life & I’m sure the people in your life are a little tired of hearing about me. I’m tired of you stalking me on ALL the blogs I follow, commenting where I comment & tracking my every movement I make; it’s sickening, your obsession, where does it end(?) I know you look at my blog every day or night & I know it’s killing you inside that I don’t look at yours & this is the only satifcation I get out of all of this. & you can try to convince yourself (& everyone else) all you want that I’m not doing well & that your pathetic displays of jealousy (comments) on my photography is hurting me or that I’m the one obsessed with you but honestly everyone can see straight through you & I’ve never felt stronger.
But it’s all okay because karma got you in the end. Whilst I sit back & breathe a happy sigh of relief, I know your brooding at the other end of the internet.
I let go of you, along with 2008 at 11:59pm on the 31/12/08 & nothing you say or do can bring me back down there, with you, because I will always be stronger than you.
Wow!
C
Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 12:07 am
You go, girl! Wash your hands of it, shampoo your pretty blond hair, pick out a nice outfit, kiss your reflection in the mirror and go off and have fun without a care in the world. You deserve it, you deserve to be free of this, and I’m happy you’re going to be now :).
slightlyignorant
Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 6:19 am
when i first read the first paragraph, i thought you’re referring to your readers by writing in a manner that’s too over confident. i get it chloe that you’re better than me so stop rubbing it in. kidding. it’s nice to be rid of someone huh? especially someone who won’t get a life. listen to stronger by britney. :D
and by the way, chloe, denaya replied to you.
http://thedaythatidie.wordpress.com/2009/02/05/oh-my-life/
thedaythatidie
Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Damn it, thedaythatidie (Good Charlotte fan?) got there first. I was going to make a silly remark about how you think your better then me and it’s fine I would stop reading your blog. But alas – my chance at glory is over.
So here’s my comment – slightly more serious and also slightly questioning.
Remember my post “I bet you think this song is about you” – how we both realised something at that point. I want to ask if you are doing exactly what I was doing. Trying to find some kind of closure? Sending out a message to someone you don’t want to talk to knowing or hoping that they will read it and that your message – whatever it may be will get across to them. Allowing you to communicate on an artificial level?
I used to worry so much about people judging me, or thinking I thought or would act in a certain way but now I honestly don’t care. I used to believe I didn’t care but there was always someones opinion that mattered to me. Today I can say, I have wiped the slate clean and the only opinions that matter are those I ask for. I take them with a pinch of salt
Alex Towler
Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 9:09 pm
(I know this is slightly off-topic here, but I never cease to be amazed by your photos. Even a seemingly casual one like this takes my breath away simply because it is so everyday and yet so stunningly done).
Back to topic, though :P.
*smiles* Brilliant way of putting it. Maybe it will get through to her that she’s the one causing the suffering (to herself). You put it very clearly, precisely and I admire the guts it took to do that. Glad to see you’re not letting her touch you :)
And thank you for the feedback on ‘Of the Beholder.’ I think you’re right. lol, it’s weird how I don’t completely understand my own poetry sometimes :P.
cravingoxygen
Thursday, March 5, 2009 at 7:59 am
I LOVE IT!!! There is nothing in this world more pure than ABSOLUTE BRUTAL HONESTY! So many people wanna tell others what they wanna hear instead of what they wanna say! GOOD FOR YOU… LET IT OUT… Your life will be alot less stressful. I’m happy to know you are doing well! Take care gorgeous…
Shady
Thursday, March 5, 2009 at 12:17 pm
hehe..i was also fooled thinking it was refered to us – readers=)
But if first questions were addressed to me I’d say you’re very interesting person and talented young photographer. Simple yet real reasons to come back to your blog again =)
And good you let it all out, Chloe =)
Marie
Friday, March 6, 2009 at 6:52 am
Here, here, for Chloe’s honesty! It’s quite refreshing. That’s why I always come check out what you have to say. ;-)
I responded to your comment on my blog about the blue flowers, but just in case you don’t find it:
Thanks, Chloe!
For those blue flowers (and for most of my floral photography), I use my Nikon 105 AF 2.8 macro—it is quite possibly one of Nikon’s best lens EVER! I know you like photographing flowers, too, so when you get ahead with the money (or get an inheritance from out of nowhere!), be sure to add the 105 to your photography arsenal. It’s what I use to get all those closeup bugs and flower shots I’m always posting. It’s also a FANTASTIC portrait lens. In U.S. dollars it would run about $750-900. I never go anywhere to shoot without that lens. You might also try eBay for a used one. It’s one lens I would be lost without!
Read Ken Rockwell’s review of the lens:
http://www.kenrockwell.com/nikon/105vr.htm
cindydyer
Friday, March 6, 2009 at 3:19 pm
On staruday? I am certainly looking forward to seeing the pics then :)
I’m going to be away this weekend, but you will be the first site I check into when I’m back monday. *grins*
Thank you :) It really is great to be back and posting again. I can’t believe I lived without it for, like, a whole month.
cravingoxygen
Friday, March 6, 2009 at 4:02 pm
A lot of determination there Chloë and a beautiful and intimate shot to go with it. I bet you felt a lot better after that one!
neitherhere
Friday, March 6, 2009 at 7:04 pm
FURBBBBBBY! i dont think that photo on the left hand side of your page could be any sexier O: drop dead gorgeous! the baby thing was definitely not a joke :Z we had 2 condoms and they both broke and so i asked if she was on birth control and she said yes……stupid me…!!!! i forget exacvtly what i said in my last comment since ive been so inactive but no drugs are defnitrely prohibited in mexico lol. probably worse than here. and it wasnt a rap..i was just in a really sour mood. what do u mean it sounds like rap exactly? id consider rap poetry would you not? and i finally took the first pictures with my cAMera on night when i couldnt sleep theres so many tho that i cNT post them on here. u got facebook? i posted all of em on there. anyways until later take care chloe~
freshtodeath
Sunday, March 8, 2009 at 10:00 pm
when will this end(?) honestly, i’m so tired of her antics
i want to live my life without having to see her pop up every where i go (on the internet) or hear that yet again she can’t find her own blog friends
can everyone see through her falsities like i can(?)
*stab
chloë
Friday, May 8, 2009 at 12:08 pm