tweak
It is when you feel the wave of warmth coming over you, the little rush in your system. Your voice becomes excited, your palms start to sweat & your teeth start to jitter. Your hands tremble a little & you’ve got a surge of sudden energy. The bounce in your step becomes obvious & you are suddenly everyone’s friend. You dance in your own world smiling to your own thoughts. The sound of the music in your ears thumping; your heart races & as your eyes fixate on the lights. Warmth sensation, you’ve become understanding to everything & everyone. It is effortless; no worry, fear or inhibitions. You care more, you listen with your heart not just your ears, you share secrets you’d never dream of revealing & you talk, talk talk. Nothing fazes you, nothing hurts you, nothing touches you, nothing seems too hard or un-achievable & no one can ruin it for you.
The signs are obvious for those that have been there before; the constant smiling happiness, those big black eyes, the ones that obviously sniff & those that chew. The ones that dance until there is no end or the ones that stare & go unresponsive.
“I’d done a little coke, Ecstasy, whatever – I could take it or leave it. But early that morning, when I took those off-white crushed shards up that blue, cut plastic straw – well, my whole world pretty much changed after that. There was a feeling like – my god, this is what I’ve been missing my entire life.” – Nic Sheff
I am learning, I am trying to understand every inch of addiction so I can help my brother & those that need it. I am almost half way through Tweak & it has opened my eyes up to the other side, (the methamphetamines & heroin side) of drugs; I am beginning to understand a lot about my brother & why he finds it too difficult to just stop. Why it’s much easier just to go back to the same old instead of starting a new. I wanted to be a clinical psychologist after school, I didn’t get the grades but something is pulling me back there, maybe it’s where I should be? & if not clinical psychology; I still have the background & knowledge to give advice & help others. This is why I would never turn anyone away who asked for help, this is why I am not closed minded or judgmental & cynical. This is why I am not naive or your stereotyical (simple) blonde. This is why I am me; honest, raw, realistic & ever, striving for the best.
p.s Thank-you to all of you that have offered your support & advice with relation to my brother. It has not been an easy road, but I really believe this time he is trying harder. I think he might finally (fingers crossed) be willing to take control of his life. I really respect people who have made a positive turn around in their lives & value the friendships I am making through this blog. Take care x
Addiction is nothing to fuck around with. TRUST ME. Even before I was addicted to oxycontin, I still did other drugs. I did coke and crack for atleast 3 years, and before that I was constantly tripping… but none of them grabbed ahold of me like that pill that came straight from hell. It seemed like I did it one day and the woke up 4 years later and had lost everything! I’ve got over 100 days clean now. It only took me giong to rehab 5 times in the past year, but who’s? counting? LOL. Take care, good luck, and I’m here if you need to chat
Jeremy
Thursday, October 9, 2008 at 2:23 am
Oh my God… Do you live in Australia? You told me to google God’s Kitchen and most of them were there. You posted that you took a taxi into town, so you have to, right??? I have a pretty big settlement coming up that I’m getting for a really bad car wreck that I was in 2 years ago, and the one thing that I wanted to do was go to seal point island, which I think is off the coast of australia. I’ve always been interested in sharks, and seal point island is one of the few places known where great white sharks blast out of the water as they come up from the bottom while hunting seals. That would be amazing to see… a 15-20 foot shark blasting 10 feet out of the water. I might have to have you get some info for me. I know they have a place that takes people out on tours. Now I kinda understand why all your pics have amazing scenery. Please let me know when you get a minute. Thanks for your time!!!
Shady
Thursday, October 9, 2008 at 6:07 am
By the way, the “Tweak” paragraph was amazing. I think you are starting to find a litte writer inside you. You should try taking an amazing pic of something, then write about it. You could have the pic and post the writing underneath it… It just sounds really creative. Not many people have the ability to write well or take photos. You can do both, so why not take advantage of it???
Shady
Thursday, October 9, 2008 at 6:13 am
i<33the quote and john lennon too!..too bad the government assassinated him;our world is soo fucked up.”imagine” by john lennon is amazing=]
that quote reminds me of the saying..you need to know where your going to know how your going to get there or w/e lol something like that
great writing by the way im impressed it actually held my attention!!1 very descriptive.i really want to start reading more,but its hard cus i lose interest in things really fast.i just need some good books.ive always been interested in psychology and was thinking about doing something with that for my career O:
p.s. i hope you write some more so ill have something interesting to read since i dont have ne books at the moment=]
freshtodeath
Thursday, October 9, 2008 at 12:03 pm
your welcome=] well,i hope you have a good time dont forget about us wordpress people:P hopefully ill have some new stuff posted by the time u get back hahah
take care chloe&dont forget to take some pictures too
freshtodeath
Thursday, October 9, 2008 at 12:17 pm
This is gonna seem like a long comment, but I will answer all of your questions. I’m from the USA. I live in Indiana. You often bring up things about your brother that give me an opinion, but I’m not sure what”s going on. I am a recovering oxycontin addict, but I have basically been addicted to everything available to me. I have been an alcholic, addicted to cocaine, herion( which oxycontin is synthetic herion), and everything in between. I’m a VERY GOOD judge of character, and the impression I feel between you and your brother is not good, and if that’s the case… I’M SORRY. Everybody says “whatever floats your boat.” but that’s not often the case. In most cases what ever floats someones boat, hurts another. The thing I like about writing is that… If you met me, you would never expect the things I write to come out of my mouth. I do have in life what I want, I get the girls I want, I get everything I want… but I’m still not happy. No one will replace her, and until I know that, I’ll keep searching. If you have any other questions, I’d gladly answer them????
Shady
Friday, October 10, 2008 at 6:37 am
Hi Chloe,
Meth took away three years of my life. I hope you’re brother finds a way to let it go.
You seem pretty cute. I hope you fall in love with Fiji.
xo
Jamsin
Friday, October 10, 2008 at 6:44 am
People from Australia are “Aussies” and people from New Zealand are “Kiwis” RIGHT??? Do your toilets really flush counter clockwise??? That is so wierd
Jeremy
Friday, October 10, 2008 at 8:09 am
Well I’m glad things are OK with your bro. Drugs aren’t anything to fuck around with. I mean… it’s alot of fun, but recreational drug use can turn into addiction before you know it. I’d be honored to answer any questions you might have. I’ve been through rehab enough times I should have a degree. That’s not funny… but it kinda is, especially seeing how I’d like to go to school to be a drug/alcohol therapist. And YES, I’ll miss ya when you go to Fiji… Just take some good pics for me
Shady
Friday, October 10, 2008 at 10:14 am
Was your brother in to heroin? Just curious because I was into oxycontin, which is basically synthetic heroin. I could probably help and I’d be honored to if you want!!!
Shady
Friday, October 10, 2008 at 10:31 am
Every people has to learn something from the mistakes they’ve done. And I hope your brother doing well from what he has done.
I’m sure he’ll soon realize that he need to turn his wounds into wisdom :)
xx
tumbleweed
Friday, October 10, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I’ve always been into drugs… atleast since I was about 15. I hurt my back before the car wreck about 5 years ago, and started taking Vicodin… and it went to hell after that. I was taking 10-15 Vicodin a day, so I bumped it to Percocet and then to Oxycontin. After my wreck, it just gave me an exscuse to get prescribed the Oxys instead of buting them off of the street, and before I knew it, My whole months prescription would be gone in 3-4 days… It just got to the point to where I didn’t… COULDN’T live like that anymore
Shady
Saturday, October 11, 2008 at 6:06 am
Write soon! hope you hv a blast day in fiji! :)
xx
Vee
Tumbleweed
Thursday, October 16, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Hope you are having fun in Fiji!!! Let me know when you get back. I hop you had some good weather and got good pics!!!
Shady
Friday, October 17, 2008 at 10:08 am